WOW. It has been so long since my last entry. So many myriad of feelings and the roller coaster has been wild.

In reflection and hind sight, it has not been easier and it has had its heavy crosses but none have been to much to bear with Christ at my side.

It has been 1 month and 1/2 and I want to believe that the worst is over. This past month I have been through some of the most painful moments of my life. I have had to trust that everything would turn out for the best. Trust is hard especially when situations turn for the worst.
In the past month, I have experienced the visible Love of our God. Who else would know how desperately I needed a sign but God? The day of Elly's first month birthday and 2 days before her surgery, God sent his Sheppered to us. Elly received a visit from Bishop Rhoades. What a truly holy and humble man. He blessed Elly with water from Lourdes and also blessed Marie, Teresa and Joey. I was able to kiss the Cross that John Paul the Great gave him when he became a Bishop. What a spiritual gift God in his goodness gave me. It helped me during the next two weeks as we encountered the turbulance of post surgery.

During this past 2 weeks, I have pondered a great deal on the Blessed Mother and how much she loves us. Let me see if I can explain. I have had the joy of being able to offer up our pain and suffering of Elly's physical pain and my spiritual pain. It has been joyous to know that our pain is not wasted but that we can offer it to our Father in Heaven as a gift of prayer.

As I came to visit my Bella and saw her in so much pain, it gave me some comfort to offer it up. This has made me think of the Blessed Mother. When the prophet Simeon told her that a sword would pearce her heart for humanity.. what did she think? Was she happy to endure it for the sake of our God? Looking into her little son's face did she feel the sword at that moment as she thought of the pain Jesus would have to endure? Looking at my Bella, I can only imagine how quickly her Happiness turned into a sharp pain in her heart as she looked at her Jesus.

After Elly's surgery, I looked at her she was bloated and in pain. I held her hand and told her that I loved her. This made me wonder how our Mother had the strength and courage to see her son after he had been beaten and scouraged. Wasn't he bloated too from all the beatings? What did she feel?

A week later when I was able to hold Elly in my chest again, I thought of the PIETA. There was the little body of my ill and sick child on top of me. I could only hold her and comfort her as best as I could. How did our Lady feel when her child lay lifeless on her lap? She beheld him and she could do nothing for him.

In this past month I have thought of our Lady. I have been joyful in offering up our pain for love of God and his children. There is however a big difference between offering the pain that has come your way and saying Yes to God as He asks you to sacrifice your only Child for the sake of humanity. Our Lady did not simply offer up her sufferings, she offered up her SON.

I love Our Lady more now than ever. She gave up her only beautiful son for me. She endured the most horrible of spiritual sufferings for me. She did not hold me in anger for having crucified her son,,, no she Loved me and embraced me and took me straight to her son. As she held her dying son on her lap, she could not hate or be angry ... all she could do was Love. Love because that is all her Son was dying for. So at that cross, Mary loved us more than any non divine being could love us. She embraced her spiritual cross for love of her son. In doing so, we became her children. We are brothers of Christ and have Mary for our Mother.

I have seen more deeply the pain of Mary mother of the second person in the Holy Trinity- Jesus. Indeed , I proclaim the Haily Mary and say.. Mary mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

Thank you Jesus for sharing your beautiful mother with us. Thank you for giving me a mother that knows the pain that only a suffering mother could endure and face. I have not suffered alone. Mary has been at my side sharing with me the pain of a mother. She has shown me her Son and will bring me closer to Him. She will give me to Him.

AVE MARIA!