Elly's Angels

Charlie's angels -- no way! The real thing is Elly's Angels!!

Elly's angels are as diverse but beautiful as the vast array of flowers that grow in a garden or in a field. Each contains its own beauty and each has its own mission. In the end, no garden would be beautiful with only one set of flowers and no field could display its magnificent beauty with only one set of flowers. It is the diversity and importance of each of the flowers that make the garden or field so beautiful. Each displays the Grandeur and Majesty of God and in them we know and sense the immense Love of our God for us. Those flowers are all for us.

Likewise, in each of you God has shown me His immense Love and each of you in your own way have shown your beauty and God's Beauty within you!

Elly's Angels have come to us like a finely arranged bouquet of flowers.

Elly's Prayer Warriors- You on bended knee keep my Elly near God's heart. Your prayers of love and pleadings reach out to Our Heavenly Father. Your selfless love reach the heights of heaven where the Seraphim worship the King of Glory. How much joy you must bring to God. That you care so much for such a tiny little daughter of His. Elly belongs to Our Father first and the love you show her through your endless prayers reach our Good God with a powerful fragrance of Love. Your selfless gift of Love and Prayer reach God as a fragrant bouquet of flowers that perfume the Throne of God.

Elly's Donors- In so many different ways money, watching our kids, getting rides with you, food, and many of your talents, you have given to us the opportunity to see and help our little girl in a very physical way. You have reached into your heart and shared your time, talents and money with us with your love and compassion. You have alleviated the suffering separation of this grateful mother. Your donation is only a reflection of your intense love that burns within you. You are a reflection of the generosity of God. You are part of the beautiful bouquet that is brought to God and which the angels smell with joy.

All of you are flowers in the fields who with your compassion send a sweet fragrance up to heaven. Oh, this fragrance which is formed in love from your heart, soothes our Lord because He is selfless Love! In a world filled with hate and anger and war, your love in all its forms, brings comfort to Our Lord. You have also filled our house with your bouquet and our house will be filled with this spiritual perfume for as long as we live.

Thank you so much for being Elly's Angels.

A visit with Miss Elly

God is good in every way. I was able to see my Elly yesterday and boy did I need that in such a desperate way. When I realized that the dye study was not done yet, I asked my husband if he could watch the kids and get off work early. I think he could hear the desperation in my voice because without hesitation he agreed whole heartily. No sooner had he gotten home when I was in the car and on my way to see my Elly Bella. I know that he wanted to see her as well but he selflessly let me go. My Joe is like my rock and my strength. I know I can get through anything with him at my side. I truly thank God for giving me such a good man to be with me. I have often thought about how much God loves me through my husband.

So, there I was on the road counting down the minutes to see my Bella. I could not get there soon enough. Finally, I entered the NICU and went to the side of the room where my little Bella was. She looked amazing! How could she be so much more adorable in just 1 day? Honestly, she looked bigger and fatter. I was sure she had gained weight. In just one day of not seeing her, I was able to see such a difference in her. It was a difference for the better but how amazing to see so much growth in just one day. Of course, my camera still has no batteries but I will fix that today.

I had to wait a little bit to hold her because she was still getting another x-ray but finally I was able to hold my little girl. Its amazing the bond between mother and child. It is beyond the boundaries of time and space, distance and circumstances. As soon as I held my angel, she felt my heart beat and snuggled into a deep slumber. She held me with her arm and rested her soft little head upon my chest. She felt safe and secure just as she had once felt deep in my womb. Once again we were with each other in symbiotic harmony. We were two in one again and our hearts beat as one. This is why Kangaroo Care decreases the mortality rate. The love we shared was wordless only our souls could feel and sense it and no words were necessary.

I needed to feel and be with her in this way yesterday. The doctor's phone call today was less fearful to me after my time with her yesterday. I saw how healthy and alive she looked. The possibility of all that she will endure was somehow softened by the fact that my Bella looked to be filled with inner strength and a healthy little body. I know that she will be able to handle what comes her way. She is filled with love, and prayers. She is so loved and that is giving her life. The love that is shown to her by so many people truly does reach her. Love also has no boundaries. The angels of God take the love and prayers from so many right to her. She is surrounded and protected by LOVE. God is Love and so many of you are his messengers and for this, I will be forever grateful.

Now, I await the next move of this roller coaster ride. For now, I am at peace. I hold fast to your prayers and support and Trust in God. Today is a good day and I will rest in Jesus. Friday, I will see my angel once more.

Thank you with all my heart for those of you have sent me contributions to see Elly, each time my heart aches, your generosity will enable me to see my angel. Only God who can know the depths of my gratitude can reward your love. I will continue to pray for you.

Thank you with all my heart for all who are praying for her. Your prayers are keeping my Bella alive and healthy. I will be forever in your debt.

God Bless,
Gina

Elly has her dye contrast

I am so totally emotional exhausted. The dye contrast for Elly is so much longer than I thought. It has been since 10 am and its now 4pm. I had no idea it would take this long and I am no where near my baby. She is enduring this whole thing without anyone of us there for her. How sad this makes me. If I had known, I would have gone to be with her but I did not know. I feel so bad for not being there for her today.

Today was not a good day for me, I had my staples taken out and that just took all the energy I had. I am not recoping very fast from this c-section at all. I am tired constantly and I still have much pain in my abdomen. Even if I wanted to be with Elly today, I just don't see how I could have physically been there. I hate not being able to feel better so that I can just be with her. We have a few donations so now we can be there but my energy and wellness level is so low. I felt so overwhelmed today with all the things I must do before next week and I just am not feeling good. I guess the dye test on Elly has taken most of my energies because its so important that the hole heals. The thought of surgery is very scary to me. At times, my mind will take me to dark places about the WHAT IF..... but I do not let my mind stay there because I will trust in God. The trust is hard but its what I must do.. Trust in God.

The separation is brutal. Now that I can hold her and be with her, it is so painful to say goodbye. I hope God gives me the strength to endure this separation for the next 3-4 months. For now, I offer it up and give it to God as a prayer for Elly's recovery and for all who have shown us so much love and support.

I don't know what the results of the testing will be so for now I will just go and rest in the arms of Jesus because I am just way too tired now.

Gina

Elly had a terrific day yesterday for her 2 week old birthday! I am so amazed at her strength and her progress. She has been so amazingly stable that I am finding it harder and harder not to get too happy.

Yesterday was one incredible day for her. She got off the ventilator and is tolerating it just wonderfuly, she pooped and that is so wondeful because that means her intestines are healing. She is so incredible.

Our friends who are just so wonderful they took us to see our Bella yesterday. I was so happy to be told that I would be able to hold my little Bella! I got to hold Elly for 2 hours in Kangaroo Care which means she lay on my chest for 2 hours. I felt her warmth and her little body on mine. She got to feel my skin and we were both united again! She even made the same little movements that she made in utero, at least I recognized them as such. I heard her voice and her little cries because she does not have the tube in her mouth. How do you describe the feel of yor baby on against your being for the first time? I was holding my child and it has only been 2 weeks. What a gift!!

I was a little hoggish... Joe did not get to hold her but I will give him his turn today. I think he knew how much it meant to me and he was thoughtful enough to let me do it first. I held her so close to me and I just wanted our souls to fuse. I wanted to communitcate my love for her through my breaths. We were in unison in our breathing and she settled in so quickly. Did she feel my heart beat and recognize it? I don't now but she settled in so nicely that her vitals were even better than when we first got there.

Another friend of mine made her a preemie blanket and hat. I covered Elly with her first little blanket that my friend made. It was incredible because her little blanket smelled like her and I wanted to take the blanket home just to smell my Elly. Before we left, I put on her little hat and she looked so cute, of course, my camera's battery died on me and I could not take any digital pictures but we did have a disposable camera. Hopefuly in a week, I will develop some pictures. We leave the camera there for the nurses to take picutures of Elly during the week.

I was complete yesterday and I slept soundly having held my angel for the first time. Thank you for your prayers which have made this possible and for my dear friends who took me to my girl and my dedicated and loving sister in law who watched my other little munchkins.

We will visit her today and I will spend more time with her. I can't wait!! Now that I can hear and hold her... its just undescribable how I feel.

I am also deeply grateful for my sister in law Denise. She has been our angel through all of this. She is always there to watch the kids when we need. She is a truly devoted aunt and a most loved sister in law. Without her and Joe's parents, we would be in a bind with our other kids but they are always there for us when we need them. They have always been there for us including when we went through this journey with Joey. No words could express our gratitutde for such loving support by our family.

Forgive the typo's I am just a horrible speller especially when I am sleep deprived!

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Elly is stable

Picture taken 8-12-06



My visit with Elly on Sunday was quiet. I think that I totally exhausted her on Saturday after taking 109 or 106 pictures. I did not take my camera this time so that I would not be tempted.

I did get to wash her face and little bottom. She always looks so beautiful after her face is clean. She liked it very much and she did not fuss at all.

I was quiet content in just soaking her up inside of me. I could look at that little face forever. She slept most of the time and she slept very peacefully. I am amazed at how stable she is. She is quiet the little fighter.

Today is Tuesday the feast of the Assumption. I have been asking Our Lady to interceed for her on this her great feast. I know that she is with Elly in a very Special way. I have asked our Blessed Mother to cradle Elly in her hands just as she did her little precious baby Jesus. What better mother can there be than the Mother of our Savior? She loved him with all of her heart and so I ask her to love my Elly with the same tenderness.

Elly's leakage is getting better and that could mean that she is healing the hole in her intestines. I dare not get too hopeful just in case the hole does not close. I am trying to find a nice middle ground in trusting and being peaceful and just taking it with faith. Its not easy but then Faith is not easy is it? I thank God for the opportunity to allow me to grow in virtue and to trust in Him. Like Our Lord I sometimes say,"Lord let this cup pass me but not as I will but yours be done."

A friend of mine sent this to me and it is so inspirational:

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire

and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"

I have a long way to go before the image of God visible but I can relate to the burning of this silver. I must be one stubborn mule to have to be refined in this manner 2x. I think I will try and be more moldable from now on! :)

On a lighter note, I am pumping enough milk to start my own little dairy business!! I don't think Elly will have a big enough appetite to finish off all the milk coming out of this factory!!!

May Our Lord be with you always and my His angels watch and protect you each and every day. Thank you for your prayers and you will be in mine.

Elly had her first bath!

What a day today was!

I woke up so excited that I would get to see my Elly Bella today. It took us a while to get to the hospital because getting 5 people ready is never easy. Once we got there, I experienced an array of emotions that sent me from tears to joy.

Upon arriving at the NICU, I sat next to my Bella and was instantly overcome with joy at seeing her little face. My soul was connected to hers and I felt so complete now that I was with her. She was still asleep but I was content in just seeing her and being with her.
It was only 15 minutes later that I told the nurse that I needed to pump my milk as I was now feeling a bit uncomfortable. When we went to the room that is used for nursing, we realized that I had not taken all the proper items to pump. It looked as if I was going to have to return home( 1 hour away) and cut my stay short after only 15 minutes. This of course sent me into instant crying. My plan was to visit with her for about 3 hours and then go home. Joe was going to take the kids to a near by park after visiting with her. This was going to afford me a good while with my Bella. After all, I had not seen my Elly in almost a week. I had been counting down the days and now my stay was going to be a mere 15 minutes! I could not stop my eyes from filling up with tears. My heart sank to the bottom of the floor. I was so crushed at the thought of seeing my Bella for only 15 minutes. It was not possible to return home and them come back, not when you live almost 1 hr. away.
Seeing me in such a state, the wonderful nurse quickly thought of options and tried to calm me down. I tried to pull myself together and then went into the nursing room. After a few minutes, I realized that 15 minutes was better than none and so I gathered myself and went to finish my 15 minute visit with Elly. I was sure that nothing could be done when the lactating nurse came in with the extra mechanical parts that I needed to pump the milk. I think I will love this woman for a while to come.
I now have a special tender spot for all those poor cows who are waiting in desperation to be milked.

Now that I had completed my milking mission, I was comfortable and elated that my Elly and I would spend the next 3 hours in total bliss. I approached her little station and sat with her. I spent my time praying with her and mostly falling asleep with her. The environment always draws me into a hypnotic state of sleepiness. In between one of my little naps with her, the nurse asked me a question that brought joy into my unexpected heart! She asked me if I wanted to give Bella a bath! I could not believe what she was saying. Did I want to give Bella a Bath???? You bet I did.

So, in a matter of minutes, Bella got her first bath from mom. I started by washing her eyes and then her face and oh how cute she looked. Next, I actually got to shampoo her hair!! Once we finished with her hair, she looked like an angel and a princess. It took me a while to finish her little 1.8 oz body not because she was not cooperative, but because I took about 100 pictures in the process! I can't tell you enough how much joy this brought to me. I was not expecting this at all and here was this gift .... I got to bathe my angel for the first time.

Well, everyone knows that every good bath is followed by a bedtime story. Right after her bath, I read her two books: A possum come a knocking and Scary Cat. She was actually trying to follow the pictures in the book. Of course she can not see them now, but she tried. A few minutes after the last book was read, my Bella fell asleep.

Now, that is what I call a marvelous,stupendous day.

The joy of this event is tempered with the fact that Elly has some blood count numbers that worry me. She has signs of infection in her CVC numbers but the doctors don't think she has an infection. They just don't know why the numbers are up.

This does worry me but I will take it one hour at a time. And for the last 3 hours, My Bella and I, we were happy.

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August 11,2006

Well, Elly is now one week old. She is the apple of my eye. I can not stop thinking of her and imagining myself next to her. Its odd, I thought that the second time around I would be a pro at this but I am not. The pain is still the same and the separation is incredible.

Sure, I am not nieve anymore about what could happen and I am not constantly worrying about all the horrible things that could happen nor am I overly happy with the good news either. I have learned from my last experience that emotions are too painful ---- good or bad ones are all too painful. When you experience the emotional roller coaster, your best defense is emotional neutrality. Funny, I always wondered how MR. Spock really did it, well now I know.

How do I even begin to explain the feelings of separation? I have not held my little Elly in my arms and I will not for a while. I must conform myself with simply being able to touch her tiny head and little fingers and hands. I can not be there every day to see her. I can only be there in my heart and soul. I pray with all my heart that my angel can whisper in her ears how much I love her and wish with all my soul that I can be there all the time. Separted from her is so hard but I trust that our love is stronger than distance. Surely, she knows how much I love her. She was in my womb and part of me for almost 7 months. Our bond will keep us close even if our distance seperates us.

Torn apart by the fact that I can not be there and my other children is also nothing that I could have prepared myself for. I have 3 other children who need me and I must be there for them. The last time this happened was 7 yrs. ago. Marie was only 3, Teresa was 1 and Joey was a 24 week 15oz preemie. Marie was so devastated by what was happening. I promised not to let it happen again. This time they are older but nevertheless, they still need me. Being torn between the children who need me is also as hard as being separated. In the end, I know love is enough to keep us all together and strong at least I hope it is.

Do I regret taking this risk again? No, never. You can not look into the face of my tiny miracle and think that it would have been better not to have risked it at all. She is beautiful and that is why I call her Bella. She is a part of my soul now and always will be. If she can fight so hard for her little life, then I can bear it all for her.

So, how do I feel? I try not to. However, I am so overwhelmed by the love and generosity of the people around me who have shown me so much love. Love is such a beautiful gift. I have shared my Elly with so many people and I am now filled and surrounded by love. It is true that the more you love the more you live. I know that the love and Prayers that stem from it, are what sustain us. I don't know how to thank eveyone except to offer all of our pain and suffering as a prayer gift to the Father on their behalf. I don't believe in letting anything go without turning it into a prayer.

My prayer life. I want to grow as a person and mother from this experience. I want to be like our Lady and suffer with love at the foot of the Cross. I want to bear it all for love of Christ and my Elly. I come so short and I need God's help.

Today my Elly Bella is doing great and I thank God for it. I rest a little peacefully now at least for the next hours that she is okay. I pray that I will continue to have the graces to live in the moment and be thankful for this hour. I must trust in the Divine Will of God and know that whatever happens, He will be in Control and He will give me what I need to bear it.

Gina

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