Elly has her dye contrast

I am so totally emotional exhausted. The dye contrast for Elly is so much longer than I thought. It has been since 10 am and its now 4pm. I had no idea it would take this long and I am no where near my baby. She is enduring this whole thing without anyone of us there for her. How sad this makes me. If I had known, I would have gone to be with her but I did not know. I feel so bad for not being there for her today.

Today was not a good day for me, I had my staples taken out and that just took all the energy I had. I am not recoping very fast from this c-section at all. I am tired constantly and I still have much pain in my abdomen. Even if I wanted to be with Elly today, I just don't see how I could have physically been there. I hate not being able to feel better so that I can just be with her. We have a few donations so now we can be there but my energy and wellness level is so low. I felt so overwhelmed today with all the things I must do before next week and I just am not feeling good. I guess the dye test on Elly has taken most of my energies because its so important that the hole heals. The thought of surgery is very scary to me. At times, my mind will take me to dark places about the WHAT IF..... but I do not let my mind stay there because I will trust in God. The trust is hard but its what I must do.. Trust in God.

The separation is brutal. Now that I can hold her and be with her, it is so painful to say goodbye. I hope God gives me the strength to endure this separation for the next 3-4 months. For now, I offer it up and give it to God as a prayer for Elly's recovery and for all who have shown us so much love and support.

I don't know what the results of the testing will be so for now I will just go and rest in the arms of Jesus because I am just way too tired now.

Gina